Navigating the world as the parent of a child with a unique or difficult-to-pronounce name can be a constant source of frustration.
When I named my daughter Chiara, I never considered that people would struggle with its pronunciation. Her name, which means “light” or “clear” in Italian and is deeply rooted in our family’s heritage, is super common in Italy and ranked No. 15 among baby girl names in Italy in 2023.
But as Chiara (kee-AH-rah) began her school journey, we quickly realized that few native English speakers could pronounce her name correctly.
Name mispronunciation has been a hot topic lately, especially as Vice President Kamala Harris ran for president. The correct pronunciation of Kamala, which means “lotus flower” in Sanskrit, is COM-mah-lah, with the emphasis on the first syllable, sounding like comma-la. In a 2016 video during her Senate campaign, Harris even had a cast of kids explain what other pronunciations of her name weren’t correct. But despite her best efforts, Harris’ name continued to be mispronounced by many, sometimes even deliberately.
Names matter
CPS students Xitlali (shee-TLAH-lee) Hernandez and Lakiyah (la-KEE-yah) Williams, who both attend Carl Schurz High School in the Irving Park neighborhood, have encountered similar frustration when it comes to people pronouncing, or rather, mispronouncing their names.
“My mom wanted me to have a unique name, so she named me Xitlali, an Aztec name that means princess of the stars,” Hernandez said. “I’m so used to people mispronouncing it by now. I try to help people pronounce my name correctly; I try to be patient. But sometimes people give up after one or two tries, which tells me they just don’t care about my name.”
Williams shared similar sentiments. “I’ve always loved my name,” she said, “and especially when I was little, I felt sad when some people, especially my teachers, never bothered to learn to pronounce it the right way.”
In his 2010 book “Microaggressions in Everyday Life,” psychologist Derald Wing Sue says small acts, like a teacher or a boss forgetting or mispronouncing your name, can add up and be just as harmful as big acts of discrimination. These small actions, called microaggressions, especially hurt minority groups. And a 2012 study by Rita Kohli and Daniel Solórzano found that many minority students felt anxious and ashamed because of how their names were treated in school.
“When I was little, I felt so embarrassed whenever teachers took attendance. I just waited anxiously for my name to inevitably be mispronounced and constantly worried that the other kids would laugh or make fun of my name,” said Schurz school counselor Solyenitzen (Sohl-yuh-NEET-sin) Logsdon. “As a kid, I didn’t know how to advocate for myself. I never felt comfortable correcting an adult. Now, whenever someone mispronounces my name, I’m less frustrated. I’m patient and kind, and I take a moment to break it down into syllables until they get it right. But advocating for the correct pronunciation required confidence, confidence that I only grew into as an adult.”
Teaching confidence
Parents can encourage their child to confidently teach others how to pronounce their name. Practicing a simple, clear explanation can make this easier.
“To help your child ‘own’ their unique name, empower them by framing it as an opportunity for them to step into a ‘teacher’ role,” advises professional parent coach Jenn Wert. “Together — because co-collaboration is powerful — come up with some things that rhyme with it, or pneumonic ways to help people make connections in their minds. Think of the moment as an opportunity for your child to practice self-advocating, creativity and confidence.”
Wert said to model how clear teaching and kind corrections sound. “And as they’re ready, let them lead while you stand by their side in support,” she said. “In this way, we advocate for our children while encouraging and empowering them to self-advocate.”
She said to empathize with and validate your child. “There is a reason, often a story, around why you gave your child the name you chose,” she said. “Tell them the meaning and energy behind their beautiful name. Perhaps even share other names you possibly considered and why those weren’t chosen. They may or may not like the name now, but understanding from whence it came will help in their knowing it wasn’t entirely random and appreciation of their name as a part of their lineage.”
Correct politely but firmly
CPS Spanish teacher Elisa Soto has been on both sides of the fence: as a teacher, trying her best to memorize and pronounce the names of more than 100 students every school year for the past 21 years, and as the parent of a daughter with a unique name.
“Names are such an important part of our identity, and so when we repeatedly mispronounce a student’s name, it’s as if we are saying, ‘You’re not worth my time or effort,’” said Soto, who works at Schurz.
“Teach your child to correct mispronunciations politely but firmly,” Soto said. “We named our daughter Ahtziri (at-SEE-re), which means ‘little drop of water’ in Aztec. Ahtziri learned early how to advocate for herself by patiently teaching others how to pronounce her name, a name that is so precious to her father and me.
“She figured out that she could approach teachers and others on how to pronounce her name in a fun way by sharing the first syllable of her name, at, and noting that it sounds just like the at in ‘Where are you at?’” Soto said. “Sometimes, she even writes the correct pronunciation of her name on the classroom board. She’s a determined young lady who continues teaching people how to pronounce her name until they get it right.”
Soto advises any students in this position to be patient but persistent and to understand that it might take time for people to get it right. “Parents can advocate for their child by speaking to teachers or others who frequently mispronounce their name,” she said. “You can even provide a phonetic spelling of your child’s name to teachers, friends and others. Above all, explain the importance of getting it right.”
For young children, parents can consider reading some of the many books that celebrate the uniqueness of names and the importance of pronouncing them correctly, including “Your Name is a Song” by Jamilah Thompkins-Bigelow, “The Name Jar” by Yangsook Choi, “Alma and How She Got Her Name” by Juana Martinez-Neal, and “My Name is Yoon” by Helen Recorvits.
My own daughter, Chiara, who is now a freshman at DePaul College Prep in the North Center neighborhood, has blossomed from a shy child into a confident young woman, a transformation that was perhaps spurred in part by having to learn early on how to advocate for herself because of her unique name.
Chiara loves teaching others how to pronounce her name correctly in Italian, turning what was once a source of anxiety into an opportunity for cultural exchange and personal empowerment. Her journey reflects the importance of building patience and self-confidence as we learn to embrace our identity and heritage.
Soto also advises parents to celebrate their child’s unique name. “Reinforce the beauty and significance of your child’s name at home,” she said. “Share stories about its origin and meaning to instill pride.”
Amy Bizzarri is a freelancer.
