Dear Anna,
Usually Mariah Carey season is my favorite, but this year I’m struggling. Everywhere I look, people are cozying up, planning cute holiday dates and posting about their jolly AF lives. Meanwhile, I’m single, spending my evenings scrolling through dating apps and wondering if I should just settle for someone mediocre so I’m not alone through the holidays. I love my friends, but most of them are in relationships, so I feel like the odd one out. I know being single isn’t the end of the world, but it’s hard not to feel left out — or like I’m doing something wrong. How can I embrace this season without losing my mind (or my self-worth)? —Single, Or Losing Out?
Dear SOLO,
There’s a reason that cuffing season is known for sky-high depression rates, and loneliness is a big one. Social media doesn’t help this, nor does seeing all the cute Instagram couples in their matching flannel pajamas, or the Hallmark movies that make you feel like a failure for not seducing any hot, small-town bakers/widowers while saving their business (and Christmas).
First things first: You’re not doing anything wrong. Let’s just get that out of the way. Being single during the holidays isn’t a personality flaw; it’s a relationship status, and it doesn’t define your worth. At all.
That said, I get it — feeling like the third wheel on the gingerbread merry-go-round can be tough. But here’s the thing: the magic of the season doesn’t have to hinge on having a plus-one. There’s plenty you can do to make this time feel fulfilling, fun and even freeing. How? Let’s nog this dog.
Reframe the narrative
The holidays are marketed as a time for romance — to sell you things, let’s remember — but they’re also about connection, gratitude and celebration. Lean into the parts of the season that don’t require a partner. Plan a movie night with friends (ugly sweaters optional), volunteer at a local shelter or host a gift exchange. These moments will remind you that love isn’t limited to romance — it’s in your friendships, family and community.
Stop scrolling and start doing
If scrolling Insta and dating apps feels like punishment, give yourself permission to take a break. Dating doesn’t have to be a 24/7 project, and swiping while you’re feeling down can lead to further alienation, or worse — settling for someone who’s … meh. Instead, focus on activities that actually make you happy. Always wanted to learn how to bake a strawberry rhubarb pie? Take a class. Interested in a pottery workshop or a pole-dancing class? Go for it. Bonus: You might meet people who share your interests, and at the very least, you’ll have something new to enjoy. (Or a slightly lopsided bowl to give to your mom instead of an impersonal gift card.)
Create a ‘single season bucket list’
Rather than viewing this time as something to endure, treat it as an opportunity. Lots of us have time off around this time — now’s your chance to make the most of it. Make a list of things you can only do because you’re single. Travel solo, go to a party (or a bachata class or a speakeasy) and practice flirting with strangers, spend an entire Saturday binge-watching your favorite show (or book) without negotiating or feeling guilty, or throw a dirty cookie party where you reward the most outlandishly decorated vulvas and schlongs.
Other options are:
Have a “yes” day: Say yes to any opportunity or invitation that excites you, whether it’s joining a Meetup group, K-pop karaoke, or saying hello to someone who catches your eye.
Treat yourself to a nice dinner — alone: Go to that restaurant you’ve been eyeing, dress in an outfit that makes you feel confident, and indulge.
Go on a dating experiment: Try a creative approach to dating, like going on three “adventure” dates in one week (think rock climbing, ice skating or exploring a holiday market). Make the activity the important thing, not who you’re with.
Binge-watch some single classics: Watch shows or movies that celebrate single life, like “Legally Blonde,” “The First Wives Club” or “Barbie.”
Create a vision board for the upcoming year: Envision what you want to accomplish in the next year — romantic goals optional.
Explore your city as a tourist: Visit a museum, check out holiday light displays or try a trendy cafe you’ve been meaning to visit.
Design a signature cocktail or mocktail: Experiment with mixology and create a drink that feels festive and you. If it turns out tasting like rubbing alcohol and cilantro, there’s no one around to judge you.
Write a love letter to yourself: Reflect on what you love about being you, everything you’re grateful for and what you’re most proud of. Save to reread when you need a confidence boost.
Test out new styles: Experiment with a look you’ve wanted to try — whether it’s a haircut or color, statement outfit or bold makeup.
