Dear Anna,
I’ve been working from home for the past year, and like a lot of people, my go-to attire has been pretty relaxed — think joggers, comfy tees and sometimes even PJs if I’m being honest. It’s been a huge adjustment, but I’ve loved the comfort of dressing casually while working from my home office. Recently, though, my boyfriend made a comment that’s really stuck with me. He mentioned that he doesn’t find my work-from-home outfits “attractive.” It caught me off guard and, to be honest, it’s made me feel a little insecure. Now I’m wondering if it’s reasonable for him to expect me to dress differently when I’m WFH. Am I being too sensitive, or is this something I should take seriously? — Comfortably Confused
Dear CC,
WFH has turned many people’s wardrobes into a sea of sweats, and I’m here for it, personally.
I haven’t put on real pants while working from home since 2020. On weeks when I haven’t left the house in a while, I might don a pair of jeans to go to the grocery store, and even then, it’s a struggle.
That said, do I feel like the most attractive version of myself in a toothpaste-stained slanket? No. But does my wife love and find me attractive no matter what I wear? Yes.
It’s pretty normal for people to feel more attracted to their partners when they’re all done up and looking sharp. Clean, well-presented, putting effort in — yeah, that’s appealing. But the problem comes when someone expects their partner to prioritize looking attractive for them every single moment of the day, even when it means sacrificing comfort.
That’s neither realistic nor reasonable, especially when you’re working from home and trying to stay focused and relaxed in your own space.
If you were wearing joggers out on a date to a nice restaurant, that would be one thing, but your job is not to be visibly appealing to your boyfriend at all times. I also, of course, can’t help but wonder what he wears when he’s relaxing at home. My guess is it’s not a three-piece suit.
I think it’s worth having a conversation with your boyfriend about how his comment struck a wrong chord with you. You’re not being too sensitive; it’s totally valid to feel a bit insecure when someone you care about says something like that. Approach him with honesty, and let him know how you’re feeling. Something like, “Hey, when you mentioned that you didn’t find my work-from-home outfits attractive, it kind of made me feel self-conscious. I love being comfortable when I’m working, and I hope you can understand that.”
If, during this talk, you learn that his comment was coming more from a place of “It’s hot when we try for each other. Let’s try a little harder sometimes!” Then that’s a starting point.
If, however, he really thinks you need to be dressed to the nines to be attractive, then that’s … not great. Your worth isn’t tied to what you’re wearing — especially not when you’re just trying to get through a thousand Slack messages and spreadsheets.
Relationships are about finding that balance and understanding each other’s needs and preferences, but they’re also about supporting each other’s comfort and well-being.
You deserve a partner who likes you as you are. And to feel good about yourself, joggers and all.
Dear Anna,
Advice me! What do you say if you’ve exchanged a handful of messages with someone on a dating app and you’re not feeling it? Should you say something or just stop replying and unmatch them? — Gonna Head Out, Stop Trying
Dear GHOST,
First off, know that it’s totally OK to not feel a connection with someone. You’re not obligated to keep chatting with someone just because you exchanged a few messages.
If the convo has been super casual and brief, it’s pretty common to just stop replying. Most people understand that silence means you’re not interested — or not interested enough. Dating apps are a fast-paced game, and sometimes messages just fizzle out.
Maybe they’ve got a lot going on and aren’t into juggling multiple convos. Maybe they met someone else they’re more into. Or maybe they just didn’t feel that spark and didn’t know how to say it.
No harm, no foul.
However, if you’ve had a bit more of an exchange — like you’ve shared a few personal details or had some good banter — it can be a nice gesture to send a quick message before you unmatch. Something simple like, “Hey, I’ve enjoyed chatting, but I’m not feeling a connection. Wishing you all the best!” It’s direct, polite, and leaves no room for awkwardness.
Bottom line: If you’re not feeling it, do what feels right for you. A little kindness goes a long way, but it’s also OK to just move on quietly. It’s your dating life — navigate it in a way that feels good to you.
Happy swiping!
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