Dear Anna,
I’m a 27-year-old woman, and my boyfriend (31) has always been passionate about political activism. I admire his dedication to causes like climate change and social justice, but lately it feels like our relationship is getting lost in the shuffle. Every conversation turns into a discussion about his latest march or organizing efforts, and every weekend is filled with events, groups or protests. Even his little downtime is spent scrolling social media and engaging politically in that way. I fully support his activism, but it’s getting to the point where we rarely have time for us — there’s no room for fun, relaxation,or even talking about anything outside of the s— show that is the world today. I’m starting to feel resentful, but I don’t want to come across as unsupportive or make him feel like his passions don’t matter. How do I bring this up without derailing everything? — Supportive But Sidelined
Dear SBS,
I get it. It’s so hot when someone you love is passionate about making the world a better place. It’s inspiring. Fists in the air! But when that passion starts to eclipse your relationship, things can feel imbalanced and, yes, resentments can build. What you’re experiencing isn’t about a lack of support — it’s about needing space to nurture both your partner’s activism and your connection together.
It’s completely valid to crave time with your boyfriend where the focus is on each other, not the latest march or rally or geopolitical atrocity. Remember, relationships are their own living, breathing thing. Just like any movement needs organizing and energy, relationships need quality time and connection to stay healthy and sane and loving. The key here is approaching this conversation from a place of love, not frustration, so it doesn’t come off like you’re asking him to choose between you and the causes he cares about.
One thing you might try is carving out specific times that are just for you as a couple. Set a boundary that certain nights or times are “activism-free zones” where the two of you can focus on having fun, relaxing or just being present with each other. You can say something like, “I love how passionate you are about the causes you care about. I also miss having time for us. Can we carve out some intentional time to connect, without politics being front and center?” It doesn’t make you unsupportive — it makes you human. It’s possible to cheer him on and prioritize the relationship at the same time.
Also, a lot of seasoned activists recognize that in order to stay engaged in the long-term fight, you need to take care of yourself — and that includes nourishing your personal relationships. Angela Davis, a lifelong activist, famously said, “Anyone who’s interested in making change in the world also has to learn how to take care of himself, herself, theirselves.” If your partner is burning out, the relationship might be an unintended casualty. Activism is often a marathon, not a sprint, and creating space to refuel in your relationship will actually help him stay strong for the causes he believes in.
If your boyfriend pushes back — if he feels like you’re asking him to step away from something vital — try to reaffirm that you’re not asking him to give up his passion, just to make space for both of you. You could say, “I’m not asking you to quit or slow down, I just want to make sure we’re not losing our connection in the process.”
If he’s truly invested in you and this relationship, he’ll see that your request isn’t about pulling him away from his causes but about finding a way to integrate them into a life that includes joy, rest and time together. Relationships can and should be places where both partners feel supported in all facets of life.
And let’s face it, nurturing love isn’t a distraction from the cause — it’s part of building the kind of world you both want to live in.
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