Dear Anna,
My girlfriend and I are both in our early 30s and have been together for almost four years. We’re both introverts, and honestly, we’re happiest just hanging out at home, watching movies or playing video games. We hardly ever go out — maybe a dinner here and there or a small gathering with close friends, but we generally avoid big social events. Lately, though, some of our friends and even family members have made comments like, “You guys never do anything,” or “It’s weird you two just stay in all the time.” It’s starting to make us wonder if we should be going out more or if something’s wrong with us for being so content in our bubble. Are we too isolated, or are we just fine the way we are? — Content Homebodies Navigating Others’ Unsolicited Theories
Dear CHNOT,
First off: You don’t owe anyone an explanation about how you spend your time or how full (or empty) your social calendar is. If you and your girlfriend are happy being in your cozy little bubble, then everyone else can get off your lawn! Your contentment in your relationship is what matters — not what other people think is “right” or socially acceptable.
It’s also highly subjective how much socialization humans need to thrive. While chronic loneliness is bad for our health, too much social interaction can be just as draining. To be a good partner (or a good friend), you need the emotional bandwidth to show up without resentment or obligation.
Society (and social media and FOMO) has this way of making us believe that the more we’re out and about, the more valid our lives are. But here’s the thing: If staying in, enjoying each other’s company, and avoiding the noise of the world is what makes you both feel good, then why is that a problem?
(It’s not!)
It sounds like you’ve found your rhythm, and that’s great. Not everyone thrives on going out or being social butterflies, and that’s OK. For introverts, home can be a sanctuary, and in a relationship, that can be even more special. You’re fortunate to have found someone who matches your energy, who finds joy in the same things you do — because it’s rare to find that kind of alignment.
That said, I understand the question, the slight wondering if maybe there’s something you’re missing. Sometimes, comments from other people can stick with us, even when we know they come from a place of misunderstanding. And while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being content in your bubble, there is also something to be said for shaking things up every now and then. Not because you owe it to anyone, but because trying new things — even small, novel experiences — can bring a new layer of connection or fun into your relationship.
The general consensus is that a once-a-week date night strengthens our bonds in long-term relationships. But quality time is more important than quantity — or, you know, navigating a Wingstop.
But, here’s the kicker: These new experiences don’t have to mean going out to loud, crowded parties (unless that’s something you suddenly feel inclined to try). Novelty could look like cooking a new recipe together, tackling a home project or starting a hobby — like learning a new language, building a puzzle or DIYing a canoe. These activities can bring a sense of adventure, but more in a low-key way that might feel more comfortable for you. Of course, going out can be part of that too, if you want. Maybe you decide to try a new restaurant once a month or take a spontaneous weekend trip to a quiet, scenic place you’ve never been. The point is: Novelty can be woven into your lives in ways that feel natural and exciting, without forcing yourselves into situations that drain you.
And, as with most things, quality time spent together is more important than quantity.
Ultimately, the key to a fulfilling relationship is balance. As long as you both feel connected, engaged and are communicating openly, you don’t need to meet anyone else’s standard for what “going out” looks like.
Your relationship is yours to shape, not something to be defined by the social habits of others. If it’s working for you both, you don’t have to justify a thing. Just remember that keeping things fresh, whether through small acts or bigger adventures, can enhance your happiness even more.