Category: Advice

Dear Eric: He’s gotten great work, won awards and become relatively famous. We’re so happy for him and remain close. He still uses the guest house when he’s in town. In our success fantasies for him, we never expected him to thank us from the awards stage or invite us to meet his new, famous friends. But the dynamics of our relationship have not changed at all. He still has never picked up a check or even offered to pay his share. If he needs something in the guest house, he asks us to buy it on our next grocery trip.

Dear Eric: I am struggling with a friend issue. We were roommates in the ’70s and have been friends ever since. She is 74 and I am 73. She is like an aunt to my two children. She was married once but has no children and has been divorced for decades. Other than her older brother, who is 80, she doesn’t really have any close family, although two nephews will inherit everything.

Dear Eric: What am I to do? Stay home and listen to the neighborhood dogs bark? This seems to be an addiction and a serious problem.

Dear Eric: One of my BFFs has high blood pressure and always seems to be catastrophizing about everything. I sent her an email which was meant to be compassionate and heartfelt and now she’s even catastrophizing my telling her all this. She feels I “crossed a line” with her and was too judgmental and she says she needs time to process what I told her. She’s a very active 78-year-old (and a therapist) and now I don’t know what to do.

Dear Eric: I have a one-year-old grandchild and am frustrated that I don’t have the freedom to gift them whatever I choose. The parents have prepared a precisely curated wish list of acceptable items and fully expect that I only give exact items from the list. I am not to stray from the brand, feature and even color of the item.

Dear Eric: My niece contacted me and said she was coming to a college reunion near me. She wondered if she and her family could stay at my home during the weekend. I was happy to have them, and they had a good time. My wife and I cooked several meals for them and loaned them a car. Their final evening, we all went out to dinner (six of them and two of us), and when the bill came it was placed on the table between my nephew and me. He never made a move, so I reached for it and paid for it all. He didn’t offer to share and, in not doing so, didn’t even give me the chance to express my generosity and say, “I’ve got it.” I felt disappointed and used. How would you have handled this?

Dear Eric: Two weeks ago, we interred my mother’s ashes in a small ceremony in Panama where she was born and raised. An alcoholic, my mother was highly abusive, both psychologically and physically. As adults, despite repeated requests from me and my brothers, my mother refused to acknowledge her abuse.

Dear Eric: My sisters-in-law think I’m gay. I know for a fact they have talked with my brothers about sexual attraction. Unfortunately, I have a real rough past with people making fun of me because I had a learning disability. The whole community put me down. I never tried dating in high school or after. I’m sexually attracted to women and would like to have a relationship with a woman. I have not had any luck with online dating. I’m afraid that my sisters-in-law will make the woman feel uncomfortable with me or my family. I have spoken to my brothers about their behavior, and they seem to not understand or go around it. I’m not sure what to do or how to handle my problem.

Dear Eric: I have had the same dentist for the past 15 years. Within the last year, I have found myself wanting to know him on a personal level. I know he is not involved in a relationship, and he seems interested as well. How should I proceed?

Dear Eric: As adults, I end up picking up the slack just like when we were kids. I also manage all of our bills. She is completely in the dark about how any of our finances work, and my attempts to get her more involved haven’t stuck. In another living situation, she’d be incredibly vulnerable to being taken advantage of, potentially paying more than her fair share simply because she doesn’t know any better.