Super Bowl parties are on the rise this year thanks to the need to decompress from a most depressing start to 2025, along with the rising cost of packages at bars and restaurants.
The game itself — a repeat of the 2023 matchup — is irrelevant to most Americans without a rooting interest. No one likes the Philadelphia Eagles or their obnoxious fans, and everyone is pretty tired of the Kansas City Chiefs and their omnipresent quarterback, Patrick Mahomes.
But the opportunity to relax with family and friends for one last football Sunday is what matters most, followed by the chance to rip on celebrities and Super Bowl ads.
For those making last-minute plans to host a gathering, here are some helpful hints to make your Super Bowl LIX party a winner.
Factoid air drops
Many partygoers don’t follow the NFL closely enough to get into an in-depth conversation about the game, so air-drop these verified statements into their phones to help them sound knowledgeable:
- “You know, Pat Riley patented the word ‘Three-Peat’ with the Lakers.”
- “Buddy Ryan’s ’85 Bears defense would destroy Mahomes.”
- “Remember when Philly fans booed Santa Claus?”
- “What’s happened to Meg Ryan?”
Banned topics
If someone brings up one of these topics, calmly pull out your phone, pretend you have to answer a message and quickly walk away: Elon Musk. Facebook. Their Wordle score. Shaboozey. Tariffs. DOGE. Avocados. AI. The double doink. Florida. “Morning Joe.” Eggs. Bezos. Their 401K. Flo from Progressive ads. Pat McAfee, Aaron Rodgers and RFK Jr. Current “SNL” cast versus old “SNL” cast.
Trendy appetizers
With the game being played in New Orleans, this year’s trendy food is New Orleans-style Creole mozzarella sticks. Directions: Order mozzarella sticks from nearby takeout joint. Add hot sauce. Tell friends Emeril Lagasse texted you the recipe.
He Not Like Drake
Hip-hop artist Kendrick Lamar might perform his famous diss track, “Not Like Us,” during the halftime show. Be prepared to explain what a diss track is to your parents, and to avoid being part of a potential lawsuit by Drake, do not sing along. We’ve come a long way since Up With People used to be a regular at Super Bowl halftime shows. As Kendrick might say, “They not like us either.”
Quick retort
When someone inevitably asks, “Did you know Bill Belichick’s girlfriend is 48 years younger than him?” be sure to reply, “Wow. Isn’t she worried about Deflategate?”
Tom Brady drinking game
Shots every time Tom Brady’s three Super Bowl losses are mentioned on the Fox broadcast starring Tom Brady. This should keep you sober.
Fun prop bet
Prop bets are all the rage this weekend, and here’s one aimed directly at the libs: During his pregame Fox interview, which nation or territory will President Donald Trump mention first when discussing plans to take it over? Panama (-115), Gaza (-105), Canada (+145), Greenland (+180) or Freedonia (+250).
Tush Push
Friends don’t let friends reenact this Eagles play, a quarterback sneak that involves shoving someone’s posterior with tremendous force. But if it does happen, prepare to call 911.
Puppy Bowl update
Early-arriving guests may want to avoid the pregame show to watch the Puppy Bowl at 1 p.m. on the Discovery Channel, featuring Team Ruff versus Team Fluff. Feel free to insert your own Kristi Noem joke here.
Taylor Swift vs. Snoop Dogg drinking game
Shots for Swifties every time Snoop appears during the game, in a commercial or promo or during the halftime show. Shots for Doggies every time Swift is shown dancing or hugging someone in her suite. Both sides should be sloshed by the third quarter.
Da Bears warning
Matthew McConaughey, star of many commercials, brings his unique talents to a Super Bowl ad in which he imitates former Bears coach Mike Ditka. This will prompt many people at the party to also start saying, “Da Bears” over and over. Might be a good time to go to the bathroom.
Halftime entree
Finding the right food to go with a diss track is tricky, but you can’t go wrong with New Orleans-style Cajun beef stew. Directions: Order a case of Dinty Moore beef stew from the local grocery store. Heat in microwave. Add hot sauce.
Avoid a Kelce overdose
This might not be possible. Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce and his brother, former Eagles center and ESPN analyst Jason Kelce, will be front and center at the Superdome. They’re working, so it makes sense. Jason’s wife, Kylie, host of the popular podcast “Not Gonna Lie,” also will be on hand and will be in charge of stopping her husband from going shirtless. “I think he’s moved on from that,” Kylie said. The matriarch of the family, Donna Kelce, is fourth in line of succession in case of emergency.
The Rob Lowe Goodbye
It’s hard to let partygoers know the party is over after a Super Bowl, but fortunately Fox has created a handy warning sign for stragglers.
The Rob Lowe-hosted game show “The Floor” follows the postgame show, and it’s certain to drive away viewers by the millions. When you see Lowe appear on your TV, just slap your hands on your knees, get up and say, “Welp, time to go.” Most guests should leave without a fight.
