What if it’s not the most wonderful time of the year?
What if, like many of Americans of a certain political persuasion, you’re consumed with dread or worry?
What if, like many Americans of a certain age, you’re beset with grief over lost loved ones or friends?
What if, like many Americans who’ve been beaten down in this era of divisiveness, you simply aren’t feeling it?
Christmas can be a trigger for all kinds of stress. All across social media people are expressing their anxiety, apprehension and sorrow this holiday.
So, know you are not alone. And know that there are ways you can help yourself feel better and navigate these turbulent times.
You can’t fix the world but sometimes you can fix the moment.
Two local experts, Stacy Phelps and Joy Smith, have your heart. Here is their advice on how to take extra special care of you when it feels like life is bearing down.
Phelps is a chiropractic physician and holistic health care practitioner. She is the owner of the Natural Health Improvement Center, now located in Palos Park. She recently gave a presentation on “How to Thrive and Survive the Holiday Season” at O’Hara and Friends Salon in Alsip. Many of the tips she shared can be helpful year-round.
While stress is a “normal physiologic response that we are wired for,” Phelps said, it gets out of control when there isn’t a positive adaptation to the event and an appropriate recovery.
Phelps said low energy, upset digestive system, headaches, disrupted sleep, anxiety, racing thoughts and emotional eating can all be signs that stress is getting the best of you. Prolonged stress can make you susceptible to illness, weight gain, depression and insomnia, she said.
Control stress’s impact with regular exercise, meditation, yoga and good sleep routines, she said. You can find free yoga platforms on YouTube. And bundle up because a brisk walk outdoors can do wonders for your disposition, she said.
When it comes to food, “prioritize clean eating outside of holiday gatherings,” that means eating high protein, healthy fats and non-starchy vegetables first, she said. “Plan your ‘indulgences’ to make sure they are worth it,” she added.
Other ways to comfort yourself, Phelps said, include committing to “non-negotiable self-care” at least once a week. Get the pedicure, read that book, watch that holiday movie. Do something you enjoy doing, something that you can “lose yourself in.”
Consider acupuncture, which Phelps said has been used for hundreds of years to support the nervous system and the body’s relaxation response. It increases our “feel good” hormones.
Traditional Chinese medicine recommended that humans slow down in the winter, retreat inward and conserve energy, Phelps said. So, “be intentional about who and where you spend your time so that it is in harmony with celebrating the season.”
In addition, explore supplements and herbs that can help boost energy and reduce anxiety, she said.
Smith is pastor of Orland Park Presbyterian Church. She said “society today is complicated, uncertain, divided and even overwhelming.”
Life’s complexity can leave us scrambling to keep up with the rapid pace of change, she said. That can lead to anxiety, emotional turmoil, depression and hopelessness, she said.
“Do you find yourself not trusting the message of hope? Is this background noise in your mind telling you to get ready because something bad is about to happen?” Smith said.
“When sitting around the table with your family, are there emotionally charged differences of opinion? Or maybe you have figured out a healthy, grounded way of being, but others around you still hang on to the same disruptive old patterns?” she said.
Here are some ways to cope, she said.
Slow down and “name” your emotions.
“Dr. Jill Bolte, Harvard-educated neuroscientist, says that each emotion we experience lasts only about 90 seconds,” Smith said.
So when there is a longer emotional experience, there are probably “reactions to reactions happening.”
Maybe past trauma is coming up. Maybe other emotions are present. “Or maybe we are choosing to stay stuck, consciously or unconsciously. Maybe that emotion needs something from us. When we distill how we are feeling in a moment, it allows us to be with ourselves in that experience in an intimate way,” she said.
In addition to recognizing the emotion, Smith said, it’s important to “clock how much shame or guilt is present.”
They often serve as blocks to moving through our feelings, she said.
Minimize bad feelings by focusing on something you love or something new, Smith said. In other words, cultivate your joy.
“Be curious and enthusiastic about learning something new, like a musical instrument or a language, learning to play golf or taking dance lessons. Something that really stretches you beyond your limits of what you previously thought you could do.”
And, “remind yourself you are stronger than you thought.”
When heading into what you fear will be a difficult situation, imagine the outcome, she said. “Imagine yourself as courageous, calm, focused, crossing the finish line, speaking in front of hundreds of people or acing a test,” she said.
“Imagine yourself at a confrontational, hurtful, emotionally charged holiday dinner,” she said. “And then imagine that you are calm, collective and centered. You might need to practice, but research suggests it can really work.”
Lastly, Smith said, when it comes to coping with uncertain or dreaded exchanges, practice makes better.
“Trust yourself.”
Donna Vickroy is an award-winning reporter, editor and columnist who worked for the Daily Southtown for 38 years. She can be reached at donnavickroy4@gmail.com.
