Negotiation just may be the single most important skill we ever learn. Yet most of what we’re taught about it is based on myths. Whether it’s in the boardroom or the bedroom, successful negotiation is often equated with dominance—a traditional belief that asserting one’s power over others and achieving one’s objectives through competition are the hallmarks of effective negotiation. However, this narrow view fails to account for alternative approaches that prioritize collaboration, empathy, and understanding.
For too long we’ve defined success based on a competitive and adversarial, masculine model (from our legal system, to political systems, to the corporate world). As a result, both men and women saw their so-called ‘feminine’ side as a liability and stifled it, tipping our world out of balance.
Women are told to “play nice, play small and people-please—all of which lead to feelings of “not enoughness.” And so, women hesitate to step into the full force of their power. Or, they believe the only way to do so is from that competitive, masculine place of energy.
“I was guilty of this,” shares author, lawyer, and TEDx international speaker, Cindy Watson. “When I was fresh faced out of law school, 20 something years old, I was almost always the only woman in the room, especially given the area of law that I practice. I looked around and thought I better get scrappier otherwise these guys are just not going to take me seriously, and sure enough, I got praise for it.”
They started calling Watson the “barracuda,” which she says she wore as a badge of honor. But eventually, she realized there was a “high cost” that came with it. She explains that that approach starts to ripple over to our professional relationships, our personal relationships, and then, in our very sense of self.
“One day I thought back to when I took a negotiation course in law school. I won virtually every simulated negotiation that year and I was not being the barracuda. I was showing up going, ‘we only have 50 minutes or we’re going to get a 0. What can I do for you? Tell me what you need. Let’s get creative.’ And I was able to come out on top. So that was an epiphany to go. Hmm! Maybe I want to go back to that and analyze what happened there.”
Enter the art of feminine negotiation, a phrase coined by Watson that recognizes negotiation as a multifaceted process that is about challenging the status quo. At its core, feminine negotiation rejects the notion that success is synonymous with dominance. Instead, it celebrates the power of connection, understanding, and mutual respect in achieving outcomes. Drawing on traits traditionally associated with femininity—such as empathy, intuition, and emotional intelligence—feminine negotiation offers a refreshing alternative to the cutthroat tactics of traditional negotiation.
However, embracing the art of feminine negotiation requires a fundamental shift in mindset—one that challenges outdated stereotypes and embraces the full spectrum of human experience. It requires both men and women to reclaim and celebrate their so-called ‘feminine’ traits as strengths rather than liabilities, recognizing that true empowerment comes from authenticity and vulnerability.
“I think it’s a profound shift in perspective—a transition from the paradigm of seeking power over others to seeking power with others,” Watson explains. “It’s about moving away from the mentality of winning at all costs, of competition and dominance, and instead, embracing a mindset of collaboration and mutual empowerment.”
In Watson’s vision, this shift extends beyond negotiation. It’s a way of being in the world. “Sometimes when I close my eyes,” she shares, “I imagine a world where people are genuinely committed to understanding and meeting each other’s needs, where differences are celebrated rather than feared. It’s a world where collaboration and compassion are the norm, and where we recognize that our greatest strength lies in our ability to come together, to listen, and to create together.”
In essence, Watson’s vision challenges us to reimagine not only how we negotiate but also how we interact with one another on a fundamental level. It’s a call to embrace our shared humanity, to transcend barriers, and to build a more inclusive and compassionate world, one mindset shift at a time.
As we continue to challenge traditional notions of power and success, the art of feminine negotiation offers a path forward rooted in collaboration, empathy, and mutual respect. By embracing these principles, we can create a world where negotiation is not a battle to be won, but a journey of discovery and connection where everyone has a seat at the table and everyone’s voice is heard.
“That’s what drives me every day. I hear what’s going on in the world and I just want to be a part of a shift.” Watson is the founder of Women On Purpose and creator of the Art of Feminine Negotiation programs. She is also the founder and managing partner of Watson Labour Lawyers, and is an attorney specializing in social justice law for over 30 years. Her book, The Art of Feminine Negotiation, a valuable resource for both men and women, is available for purchase here.
The news and editorial staffs of the Chicago Tribune had no role in this post’s preparation
