Aboard the Valiant Lady, a 2,770-passenger Virgin Voyages cruise ship that sails the French Riviera, The Diva lobbed beach balls at “sailors,” aka passengers, as she belted out “Let’s Get Loud.”
This isn’t the sexy diva Jennifer Lopez who recorded the pop hit more than two decades ago, but the ship’s resident drag queen who strutted around in sequined dance shoes, a cotton candy wig and eyelashes that looked as though they would fly off her heavily made-up face.
When she sang “I Will Survive,” Gloria Gaynor’s disco hit that is now an unofficial anthem for the LGBTQ community, I rocked out in my seat and sang the familiar, feel-good lyrics with the crowd.
It’s all part of “Around the World in 80 Minutes With The Diva,” the cruise line’s popular drag show.
Anyone desiring a permanent souvenir of The Diva’s stellar performance can have her likeness tattooed on the body part of their choice at Squid Ink, the only tattoo parlor at sea.
If you haven’t caught on yet, Virgin Voyages isn’t your grandparents’ cruise line.
In this case, young means 18 and older because this adults-only cruise line believes standing behind a squealing toddler at the buffet — there are no buffets, but there are more than 20 eateries — or listening to endless rounds of Marco Polo at the pool isn’t conducive to the vacation of your dreams.
The vacation of my dreams included the thermal suite at Redemption Spa, a palace of relaxation that features the de rigueur sauna and steam room, but also houses a mud room with detoxifying skin treatments and a Himalayan salt room that flushes toxins from the body.
After a long day of trekking up and down the seriously steep streets of Monte Carlo, the hydrotherapy pool was calling my name. Unfortunately, I forgot my swimsuit. Lucky for me, I had a big pair of Bridget Jones-style granny panties that would cover far more than the teeny-weeny bits of string passing as swimwear for the TikTok girls at the main pool, so I paired them with a T-shirt and waded in. Nobody blinked at this middle-aged woman.
As the water swirled, I closed my eyes and relived my day in French-speaking Monte Carlo, the unofficial capital of Monaco, known for gleaming mega-yachts in the sun-drenched harbor and grand villas built into the cliffs. Measuring less than a square mile, Monaco is one of the smallest countries in the world — only the Vatican is smaller — but it’s big on glamour and has served as a seaside playground for celebs and royalty for more than a century.
The Casino de Monte-Carlo, where three James Bond movies were filmed, is chic and sophisticated. But this Beaux-Arts architectural wonder isn’t just for suave high rollers. Despite the parade of Lamborghinis, Ferraris and Rolls-Royces, you don’t have to have deep pockets to stroll through and admire the gilded interior that boasts a marble-paved atrium ringed by onyx columns. Have a drink at Cafe de la Rotonde and watch the filthy rich world go by.
You don’t have to be a movie star or a secret agent to be a rock star on Virgin Voyages. Just book a spacious rock star suite and you’ll have your own “agent,” a concierge of sorts who is at your service to assist with dinner reservations, shore excursions and more. Best of all, rock stars have access to Richard’s Rooftop, an exclusive outdoor space where all the hippest sunset parties go down.
Actual rock stars love Cannes; just ask Elton John, who has owned a luxury villa in the region for years. The city is best known for hosting the Cannes International film festival in May, which draws celebs from around the globe, but there’s another side to this French Riviera hotspot.
Just beyond the city lies a hub for outdoor adventure seekers. The Maritime Alps that sprawl along the border of France and Italy are interspersed with more than 200 canyons, and that attracts thrill seekers eager to test their limits.
A guided canyoning expedition involves rappelling down a vertical rock face, then zipping down natural water slides before plunging several feet into a glistening pool. It’s like a water park for grown-ups, but this one was created by Mother Nature.
If that’s not your jam, there are more leisurely shore excursions that showcase the region’s unspoiled beauty.
Hop aboard a sailboat and glide along the Calanques Coast, a natural wonder of white limestone cliffs and coves that stretch between Marseilles, the second largest city in France, and Cassis, a charming Provencal fishing village. Dramatic rock formations loom like the ruins of an ancient castle, jagged “turrets” reflected in the cobalt blue water.
After a full day of sightseeing, I was looking forward to tucking in to Korean barbecue at Gunbae, one of the most popular restaurants on the ship. If you’re in search of a quiet dinner with romantic vibes, go anywhere but here.
I shared a table with a young, fun-loving bunch that knew how to party and was immediately served an unrequested shot of soju, a grain-based spirit that is Korea’s national drink. I got swept up into a competitive Korean drinking game big on shouting and clapping, the kind of shenanigans I thought I left behind with my college days. For dinner, I switched my beverage to something called K-pop Disco Water, a sweet and sour mix of grapefruit and watermelon juices mixed with Pop Rocks candy and served in a disco ball-shaped glass.
The main attraction is the grill in the center of the table, where seafood and thin strips of beef and chicken are grilled to perfection and served with tangy dipping sauces.
After-dinner entertainment is in the Red Room, the ship’s main stage. Virgin Voyages eschews the Broadway-style shows staged on many cruise ships in favor of edgier, outside-the-box productions. “Duel Reality,” a reimagined “Romeo and Juliet,” is a fast-paced, in-your-face show featuring dare devil aerialists contorting their lithe bodies into positions that would send the average person to the chiropractor, if not the ER.
That wrapped up my evening, but the 20-somethings were just getting started. On the way to breakfast the next day, a young woman in a sequined miniskirt and 4-inch heels was headed to her stateroom after rocking it all night in The Manor, the ship’s signature nightclub. No doubt she would be going ashore in Ibiza, a Spanish party mecca with countless cool nightclubs.
I initially had reservations about this cruise because it’s heavy on Gen Z and millennial hedonism, but I don’t regret a party-filled moment. Where else can a middle-aged woman hang with a drag queen, play drinking games and go unnoticed in the spa in her granny panties?
Tracey Teo is a freelancer.
